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New Year, Same Me-Sort of

Welp.


The highly anticipated 3rd part to the trilogy that is the 2020's has begun. Whether you found yourself scooped into a ball under the sheets for most of the last couple of years OR completely changing careers, you've undoubtedly gone through an immense amount of change. I know I have. And yet, I can't bring myself to write the cliched "New Year, New Me." Because truly, who wants that or even feels that right now? Life threw us all into a pile of masks and new found germaphobia, that or straight up sent us spiraling into a pit of denial and/or apathy. The new year comes equipped with new variants, new concerns, and yes, some of the same old shit. Those of us trying to wade our way through these weird times whilst creating the life we want and love are... tired? Socially... unavailable? And dare I say... yes... wanting solitude? Is that a new me???


I don't think so... at least not in the traditional sense that I am rewriting any part of me, more that I am adding to what I've already begun building this year and in the years that are the notorious 2020's.


I will say that since I've last written [and I am aware it's been a while] life has given me so much of what I've wanted. That schedule that I created? Yeah, that worked for about 2 weeks to a month. HAH. But in that time actually, I was able to reach a lot of my goals and because life got busy, I no longer needed my days laid out the way I had in that schedule. SO yes, if you are looking to do more of what you want, I would say try it. No, I didn't write as much, but I would like to add that writing is scary for me. In fact, a lot of the art forms that I aim to try this year are super scary for me. So the last few months of 2021 I dove pretty hard into what I already know I love and can do well, acting. So if anything, the schedule helped me align myself with the sharper goals in life. That's not to say that the others don't matter, because obviously... I am here now, and I have some ideas of what I'd like to see for myself this year.


New me though... not so much. What feels new, maybe, is my mindset-- which I realize sounds SUPER cliche. But, hear me out. In 2021, in... lets say September? I bought a giant white board. On this white board I have a general todo list, a today's todo list, short term goals, long term goals, and finally, quotes that speak to me. This board CHANGED MY LIFE. I know that seems silly, but listen, I cannot tell you how many times I walked past that board in my room and just glanced at a quote or goal and moved on with my day. I didn't realize that those very passive moments of taking in whatever I just read started to shift my own thoughts. For example, one of the quotes is from the beloved musical, Hamilton, "I am the one thing in life I can control." This quote is pretty close up to the top, the first one being " Take the next best step." Yes Erika, do, and remember you can't control everything, just your next step.


Life has proven to all of us, beyond any doubt, that it will throw things we cannot control our way. I have pretty intense panic attacks/anxiety and fluctuations in mood [I have never been diagnosed for anything so will not speak like I have], and change has always been a huge struggle for me. These, and the other eight quotes I have listed, helped create this new inner voice that began to combat the catastrophe thoughts that often took over. I'm not saying I don't succumb to them ever anymore, but I've been able to maintain a level of calm in moments where I've previously been in a ball, hyperventilating on the bathroom floor. Do I owe it all to these quotes? Could I just be maturing? After all, I did turn 30, so theres that. But honestly, I don't *actually* know. I do know that these words, short sentences, feel like they've sunk in. And I would much rather have these words come at me than the traditional "nothing is working, everything is falling apart, why do I exist?" thoughts.


New year, same me, yes... but a learning and growing me. And while I realize that this is a rather.. personal? post to share on the world wide web, I do feel like seeing this would help me if I wasn't me, so I am hopeful it will reach someone who it will help. And if not, then that's okay.


If this does resonated with you in anyway, or you do try this "quote board" out, let me know in the comments! Also, I LOVE suggestions on things to try out, or new quotes that are inspiring, so don't hesitate to leave any of those in the comments as well!! We are all just trying to find the things that work for us in this life, so yes, the journey continues.

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Incased you missed the recap; please note, I'm sharing the good times

but there were many moments of struggle that are not scene. This is just

a gentle reminder that posts you see on social media are in fact moments

that people choose to share.


Going Niche-less

Like going bra-less but in life!